Im chewing my gum too loud and my husband glares at me and looks at me with strong disapproval. It makes me feel uneasy, uncomfortable, anxious and disrespected as well a strong desire to tell him to f*** himself. Than I hear your voice in the back of my head. "It's NEVER them"
If I apply what you've shared, should I?
A) ignore and get in touch with my feelings?
B) confront him tell him how it makes me feel inside?
C) Tell him to stop treating me like that?
D) Kick him to the curb
E) Kick him to the curb and give him a black eye
None? Or all of the above?? Below is my response.
SO, great question. And the answer depends on how quickly you want to heal. Grow.
IF YOU in that moment he glares at you and you feel uncomfortable...if you own your reaction or how it makes you FEEL inside you ...in other words you will see you want to punch him or tell him he is an ignorant ass n run out the door swearing your done...that choice would be your not being responsible for who you are and your deflecting the hurt in you through anger...cause it's much easier to blame n run. It avoids the deep inner hurt but it still doesn't feel good it's just easier than moving inward and becoming responsible
for who you are and what has been triggered within you to heal. This choice to tell him he is rude and go away will bring similar scenarios repeatedly in your life...continually. UNTIL FINALLY the day you get it AND OWN IT. Until the day you see...WOW...this has happened to me over and over and over BUT today Ive been blessed with the tools to change my life. Today I become responsible for who I am. Today I can not make it about him and instead feel what's happening in me and heal. To grow. To love.
SO, if you say anything to him it's deflecting your own pain. It's stunting your growth. It's giving your energy to the thoughts there is something wrong with him instead of giving your energy to healing your own triggers of pain. Ignoring you n Blaming them. Equals repeat feelings and scenarios in your life.
If you don't say anything to him...which is certainly most difficult n takes enormous inner strength(which you absolutely have) and simply breathe into your pain in your stomach and chest and heart...by breathing you move inward...BITE your tongue...DO NOT project your irritation, rage or sadness...you aren't deflecting...and wherever u may feel it in your body...you are healing!!! That's IT!!! Bingo!!! Breathing into the uncomfortableness which lies within YOU!!!! Moving inward you own responsibility for who YOU are!!! That is inner transformation. Layer by layer...each time you own your pain...you heal.
The pain which lives in you is a buried hurt from your childhood. Stuffed. All inner pain is buried experiences we didn't feel we could fully feel at the time it was happening to you. Often feeling like you couldn't...like maybe you had to be strong, or didn't want anyone seeing you cry or you were threatened to keep it together etc. We get so good at stuffing our pain we forget how to live from feeling what lives inside and instead the victim of what everyone is doing 'to me'. Eventually the pain bubbles up and over and you are a mess. Depressed, anxious, sad, addicted, raged at the smallest things, can't stand you won skin etc. That is living in a state of separation. Living from Fear.
Im suggesting you choose to move inward...SIMPLE...love from the LOVE you are and not listen the the fear another second of your life. YOU decide. YOU become responsibel for you!!
When anyone does anything to hurt us...it's actually to bring up these deep buried hurts inside so we can:
b) heal this deep inner hurt that has continually attracted repeat situations in my life that make me feel like this so I can grow/heal/accept/love
You will no longer attract the same hurt moving forward as it no longer lives within you. I also want to share...it may be too deep for just feeling it once. It may have many things stuffed on top of it and so it's a process to remove layer by layer but it's moving when you OWN it!!! It has been buried all these years just waiting for your attention...your acceptance...your love 😍
ALLLL My LOVE to YOU,